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Who is kind - he that kicketh a man in the balls for no reason, or he that doeth not?
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Who is kind - he that kicketh a man in the balls for no reason, or he that doeth not?
Star Trek: Picard’s third and final season had a lot going on—and that’s even before you throw in half the regular cast of The Next Generation, and then some, showing up as the weeks went on. But it turns out, there were almost even more returning faces—and not necessarily just from TNG.
McDonald’s is now officially an anime meme come to life. The fast food chain recently dropped a new flavor of McNugget dipping sauce named after “WcDonald’s,” a cheeky fictional depiction of the company often seen in anime shows since, without proper licensing, McDonald’s official name can’t legally be represented in…
Pursuant to recent court rulings that when human sperm come in contact with eggs those eggs are bestowed with the image and glory of God, and therefore the destruction of those eggs is a sin comparable to the crucifixion of Christ, we have forthwith adopted new guidelines regarding the preparation and storage of frozen embryos conceived via IVF in our clinic.
Going forward, patient information and disclosure forms will be updated with the following language:
By electing to participate in IVF, you understand that you are potentially acting outside the will and design of Almighty God, and that every embryo created through this process, including non-viable embryos, has been endowed with an immortal soul. You agree that you alone are responsible for these souls until they reach the age of discretion (seven years old, per Catholic doctrine, the official doctrine of the State of Alabama, which you’d think would be Southern Baptist, but you’d only be half-right), and which point these embryos will be responsible for their own actions. You agree to indemnify this clinic for its part in participating in this stochastically unholy act.
Every IVF procedure will have an additional step of Embryo Baptism: All products of the IVF process, at the discretion of the patient (they might be Baptists, who ironically don’t commonly participate in this,) will be sprinkled with liquid nitrogen blessed by the hospital chaplain, who is also responsible for administration of the rite. Nitrogen will be used for its cryogenic properties, as a reminder of the preferred means of capital punishment in the State, and for the cool cloud effect.
Per commonly accepted practices of the rite of baptism, all embryos will be required to have a name. If the patient has not considered a name for the dozens of potential embryos, using the clinic labeling standard for storage is acceptable e.g. “K. Smith 006523 IVF Specimen 0009 I baptize you in the name of the father etc.”
No frozen embryos will be stored on-site. All products of the IVF process that are not implanted in the patient’s uterus for compulsory gestation will be provided to the patient in an Alabama or Auburn-themed YETI cooler (subject to availability) for at-home storage in a medically appropriate liquid nitrogen dewar or in the deep freeze out on the carport, at the patient’s discretion.
Thank you for your cooperation in these matters. We feel that adoption of these guidelines will allow us to continue operation within the strictures imposed upon us by the surprise-they-were-theocratic-the-whole-time Alabama judiciary.
To the casual observer, the world of wine comes with a whole lot of rules. You have to hold your glass a certain way, there’s a whole lexicon of tasting terms to learn, and the “best” option changes depending on what you eat. According to Google search data, we even struggle with what these wines are called, exactly,…
After a long day of staring at various screens—whether it’s a computer screen for work or my phone to wind down afterwards—my eyes are begging for relief. I also regularly get headaches and migraines, and though I’m not sure that my screen time is entirely to blame, I know it doesn’t help.
It’s no wonder that devices like eye massagers—which strap to your face and gently massage, vibrate, and warm the area around your eyes—are tempting to help relieve these symptoms of modern life.
The hashtag #eyemassagers alone has more than 95 million views on TikTok at the time of publication.
Dozens of eye massagers are currently available, but Therabody—the brand behind two of our massage-gun picks—makes one of the more popular ones. Therabody’s $200 SmartGoggles claim to relieve eye strain, soothe headaches, and “support restful sleep.” I’ve already tried most methods imaginable to appease the migraine gods, so I was skeptical but hopeful.
I wore the goggles for 15-minute sessions during the day and before bed, four to five times per week for a couple of weeks to see if they did, indeed, help relieve eye strain or prevent a headache from getting past that point of no return.